Feeling Lame

Nov 9, 2009 at 4:09 PM
3 comments

So recently I've been feeling very deficient. I guess in many ways. I want to loose weight, I want to know more, I want to finish projects, I want a better job, and etc etc etc. So to move to a more positive realm, Kyle, Johnny (Kyle's co-worker) and I will be heading down to SoCal for an Animation Industry Convention, or the CTN Animation Expo. They'll be recruiting for their company, while I want to make some industry connections. I don't feel very hopeful, but at least it will be an eye opening experience. It is the first of its kind, I believe, so I know I will get something out of it.

To get back to the title of this post and why I brought up the convention, I've been feeling rather lame. Not lame as in, pity me! but lame that I'm almost 30 and I don't have the career that I want. I have had odd jobs, contract stuff, but not my holy grail of jobs. I guess the 9-5 slave driver job at an animation studio. I know it isn't easy to get one unless you've interned or have known someone in the company, but I feel sooo lame that so many people I know have already, "been there and done that." Today I purchased some flash books to brush up on my flash animation. I'm looking through them and I'm like, "OMG" is this gibberish or something? I'm out of the loop for 2 years and I feel dumb. Just simply dumb. GARGH! I even picked up a "teach yourself visually" type of book and I feel even dumber for doing so.

Desktop

I'll get over it, I know I do. My goal is to finish an Appley Rotten short before the convention. Just so I have something new on my portfolio site. *phew* There is one thing I pride myself with is I can learn something new very quickly and excel at it in a short amount of time.

Wish me luck and hope that I survive the next two weeks!

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maura_ea wrote:
Nov 10, 2009

Aw, I'm sorry you're feeling like this :( While it sucks that you don't have that holy grail job, at least you're not working a job you hate just to pay bills. Not that I hate my job, but I'm envious of anyone working in a creative field and making money for it. Mine isn't creative in the least.

On a side note, I like your "mood" illustrations you've started doing :P

Cat replied to maura_ea’s comment:
Nov 10, 2009

Aww, I think I've just been feeling held back. It's one of those things I've talked about with Kyle where everyone *seems* to be doing better and we are wondering what we are doing wrong? I mean I know we are doing are best but we want to have kids and to also be able to support them. At this rate I don't feel I'm even CLOSE to doing that yet. =(

To add, everyone I know and their sister is having kids and doing great at their jobs. I'm like... what have I been doing with my time? I feel like I work hard... I don't really take a day off. Even when Kyle and I go on vacation we talk about work stuff... haha... yeah. XD

Anywho... not to make this post entirely depressing I've tried to perk it up with doodles and to make the posts more personal. It's easy, at least in my opinion, to write happy things. I want to start writing things that I've been dealing with personally and professionally. I'm happy you actually read my blog. Haha.. I do enjoy seeing the stuff you are up to on yours.

thanks for commenting BTW!
XOXO

maura_ea replied to Cat’s comment:
Nov 12, 2009

Paul & I were debating having kids until "the right time", but we kept thinking back to that movie Idiocracy and thought, we'll always find a responsible reason not to have kids - if we want a family then it's time and we'll make it work. Its not as though we were living on the street or unable to pay our bills.

I can understand what you're feeling about "everyone around you" - I really do empathize and I hope your conference goes well!

I like that your posts have been more personal :)